The Mask I Wear to School

Every day I wear a mask. Not a literal one though sometimes I wish I could hide completely. I mean the kind you put on with a smile, a laugh, a “yeah I’m good!” when people ask how you’re doing.

No one sees the shaking hands under my desk, or how I have to practice breathing just to survive a crowded hallway. I have social anxiety, but I don’t think anyone knows. I’ve gotten too good at pretending I’m fine.

I dread presentations, group work, even lunch sometimes. I hate how much I care what people think. I hate how my voice trembles, how I replay every word I said for hours afterward, terrified I sounded weird. I’m exhausted from existing in a world that feels too loud for me.

I wish I didn’t feel like a mistake just for being myself.

Writing this here is the first time I’ve said any of this out loud, even if I’m still anonymous. That counts for something, right?